Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
