Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
