pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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