its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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