I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
