Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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