i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
