we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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