dude i'm inner monologue high
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
