all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
