I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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