just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
