420 ftw
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
