The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
