so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
