I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
