I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
