I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
