i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize