did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
