I can text with my tongue
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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