Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
