Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
