You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
