Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
