Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
