Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
return my video game
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize