You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
