Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
