A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
