Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
