I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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