I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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