the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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