She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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