I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
