the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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