Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
