She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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