FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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