This is not my ceiling
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
