since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
