im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
