Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
