no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
