hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
