Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
