so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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