in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
