nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
