i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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