my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
