y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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