What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
