the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
