Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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