you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
