Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
