whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ruined the universe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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