just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
