I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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