YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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