Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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